Getting Emotional in the Classroom

So, I know I haven't blogged on here in FOREVER, but I'm really going to try to do better. Anyway, I chose to start blogging today after getting emotional while teaching. Today is 9/11 and the 8 year anniversary of the "terrorist attacks." It was my first time teaching on 9/11 and I wanted to do something significant.

So, I had everyone free write for 15 minutes on the following topic: Where were you on 9/11? What does this day mean to you? After we (yes I participated) finished free-writing I shared my piece and a few people shared theirs. We watched the youtube video of Suheir Hammad's "First Writing Since." Class is only 50 minutes, so we didn't have as much time to discuss as I would have liked, but I think it was a good class. I did this same thing in both classes I'm teaching this semester.

I'm going to include my free-write below... it's pretty long since I had time to add more while my second class was writing. Remember this is a free-write, so it hasn't been edited at all.

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September 11, 2001

I can still remember the morning of Sept. 11, 2001 as if it happened yesterday, and not 8 years ago. It was my second week of college and 8 days before my 18th birthday. I had just started adjusting to my college schedule and the impossible workload. That morning started like any other I waited for my roommate to come back from the shower... my cue that it was time to stop hitting snooze. I went to shower and when I came back my roommate, Stephanie, was standing in front of the TV frozen. It had to be around 7:40 am, because she had an 8 am class. As she prepared to leave she told me that a plane had just crashed into one of the Twin Towers...still groggy despite my shower I just muttered okay. Stephanie asked me to watch the news while she went to class, and update her on what happened. I started getting dressed and watched the screen. Imagine my disbelief as I saw the second plane crash while the news was broadcasting live. It was this moment when I realized something bad was happening. I grabbed my phone and called home. "Mom, what's happening... planes are crashing... I'm scared... what do I do?" My mom who usually relies on me to be rational was panicked. She told me she would call me back, but first she had to pick up my younger siblings from schoool.

So, what did I do in the meantime? I went to my 9 am class. Crazy huh? After class we all learned that the university was closed for the rest of the day, and they were calling the plane crashes intentional--terrorist attacks. Once again I called home. My mom wanted to come get me from school, but the news advised everyone to stay off the roads. They weren't sure if more than NY was targeted. So, I just stayed inside. I was confused, scared, and for the first time away from my family when disaster struck.I spent the rest of my morning on AIM w/ a friend in NY who had no cell phone reception, but a very worried Michigan family. She gave me numbers to call, and I reassured her family that she was safe.

I'm not sure when it hit me, but at some point I remembered that today was my baby brother's birthday. He was turning 4. It was the first time I was away on one of their special days. I remember calling to tell him happy birthday and him sounding sad. He said "No one's acting like it's my birthday. Mommy didn't take me to breakfast and she picked everyone up from school early." I felt bad... how do you explain to a 4 yr old that his birthday will forever be remembered as the day the towers fell and thousands of lives were lost.

For me 9/11 is about more than the loss of life. It's the celebration of my baby brother's life. The child plagued w/ asthma attacks that kept him hospitalized and all of us fearful. The child w/ the bright smile and wonderful spirit. The little boy who rarely asks for much, but is grateful for everything. When he was 3 and had to have surgery my mom told him he could have whatever he wanted. His request--for me not to go to school and come with them. This year when I asked what he wanted for his birthday his first response was "Can you come home?" How many 12 yr old boys still want to hang out w/ their big sister? I know you aren't supposed to have favorites, but out of my 8 younger siblings, Robert is by far my favorite. Maybe because we share a zodiac sign or a birthday month. Or maybe it's because no matter how horrible I feel he can always make me feel better.

So, while I understand how terrible 9/11 is for most people it will always be my baby brother's birthday first, and the day the towers fell second.

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I began to shed tears when I got to the part of being away from my family for the first time...

Wow... you look really young?!!

The above is what one of my students said when they walked into my class on the first day of school. I just laughed... I was already prepared for that comment. I'll be 25 in 19 days and I'm teaching an introductory composition course at the university where I'm finishing my master's degree. Even though I'm almost 25 I'm still mistaken for a college freshman or high school student on a regular basis. At first I thought my age and look was going to be a major hindrance but I've decided to use it to my advantage. On the first day of school when I introduced myself I said the following: "My name is Ms. _______, and I will be 25 next month. That's both good and bad for you. It's good because unlike a lot of your teachers I still remember being a freshman in college and all the fear and anxiety that comes with it; not to mention we will watch movies and listen to music that is relevant to you all. It's bad because I know every single excuse or game you will try to run on me... so don't even bother."

After getting through the very scary first day of class I've realized that this is really what I want to do. It's only been 2 weeks but I love planning what I'm going to discuss in class the next day. I love the fact that as a young Black woman in the classroom I'm showing my young Black female students that the goal is achievable and so real. I love the fact that I have the ability to shape the first year experience for so many of them. For most of my students I was the very first teacher they interacted with on a collegiate level... I teach Mon, Wed, and Fri from 9:00 to 9:50 am.

The first 2 weeks have been really great so far but this coming week is crucial... so far we've been doing a lot of introductory stuff but this week I'll introduce the art of "personal narrative." We'll also start the first of many grammar presentations... I'm going first so they know what to expect and what I'm looking for...

Alright I need to go grade the practice Regent's exams they took this past Friday... keep your eyes open for more frequent updates.

*crickets*

Anybody still reading this???? I know that I was ghost for quite some time but I'M BACK!!! I took a break from academia this summer which means I also took a break from this blog... my bad to those who do read and were waiting for updates.

School starts this Monday (the 18th) and I'm teaching my first college-level course. How do I feel about it? Excited, nervous, geeked, anxious.... you get the point. I finally finished my course syllabus and I even know what we're going to do the first day of class...What I'm not ready for is how to address the why do you look so young question? Or the chance that one of my students will hit on me... my boyfriend and every guy/girl friend that I have has told me that it's going to happen. My boyfriend thinks it's cute to torture me about it but I'm super worried about being taken seriously.

How's everyone out there in academia doing?

Expect lots of blogs/updates as the semester progresses...

WISH ME LUCK!!!

Summer Reading

What are you reading this summer?

Right now I'm finishing the latest Eric Jerome Dickey novel, Pleasure... yea I don't just do academic profound literature lol. I also read Pearl Cleage's latest novel,Seen it All and Done the Rest: A Novel. I love her work and I need to go back and reread some of her novels since they all usually connect.

Next on my list The Other Boleyn Girl and The Boleyn Inheritance. After that I plan to either start the Chronicles of Narnia series or His Dark Materials series. All of these are very different from my normal summer reading because I tend to gravitate towards African American authors and African American history. I'm trying to branch out more and make myself more marketable. I'm sure I'll read more than these in the next three months but those are the highest on my list.

What are you reading this summer?

I'm such a nerd...

Last night I went to see Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian and in the middle of the movie I started thinking of possible dissertations. Crazy right? As someone who was raised strict Pentecostal it's easy for me to pick up on religious connotations in different things. Well last night I realized that there is so much literature that is supposedly written for children with these overwhelming amounts of religious rhetoric. It also didn't help that earlier in the day I was watching The Golden Compass. So I'm going to spend the summer reading The Chronicles of Narnia series and His Dark Materials series. Part of it will be for pleasure but it will also be for research purposes as well.

I can't even go to the movies without thinking about some aspect of school work lol.

Summer Vacation!

It's been about a month since I first posted. The end of the semester was CRAZY!!! I had so much work to get done and I wasn't feeling the best emotionally. This past semester was one of the hardest I've had in my academic career. I'm glad it's over and I'm ready to start the next chapter. I decided to take a break from school this summer so I'm just working and catching up on reading for pleasure.

Even though I'm taking a break from classes this summer that doesn't mean my academic career is on hold. I'm going to start studying so I can retake the GRE in the fall and also do research on which PhD programs I want to apply too in the fall. Oh and I found out that I will be teaching freshman composition in the fall as my assistantship so I'll also spend the summer coming up with my course syllabus, lesson plans and assignments. I'm definitely nervous about teaching but it's something that I need experience in plus I get to buy a new wardrobe.

Welcome!!!

Hello everyone... my name is Academic Butterfly (AB for short) and I would like to welcome you to Fluttering Through Academia.

I wasn't sure where to start but one of my friends suggested starting with why I'm an academic butterfly. In short, I'm a HUGE dork... I love reading and writing and learning. I'm also a huge fan of butterflies. The longer answer... I'm currently working on my M.A. in English (don't judge my grammar lol) and I will be applying for Ph.D programs this coming fall. I really do love butterflies because they go through stages and I feel like they best represent me and where I am in my life.

I decided to start this blog to track my journey over the next 5 to 6 years as I work towards becoming Dr. AB. Anyone who is in academia knows that it is not an easy place to navigate and you learn a lot by trial and error. Part of my decision to start this blog is to hopefully help someone else going through the same journey or just starting out. I also want to meet others out there like me... I want to hear about your journey and hopefully we can learn from one another... Academia is a rough place... being a lowly graduate student can be difficult and having a good support system is key.

What you can expect?
~ Rants/Vents about the daily frustrations that come along with being a graduate student
~ Funny stories about this wonderful place we call academia
~ Question and Answers... if you've got questions I'll try to find answers
~ What to do/ What not to do posts
~ Advice for getting started

Disclaimer: While I am a graduate student in an English department I do not use perfect grammar and sentence structure when blogging... I love ellipses (...) so you will see a lot of those.

Next post: Semester in review... my research interests